Saturday, October 29, 2005Y

Hi I m once again back wit the same date. Jus woke up n ate my breakfast, now ish 9.16Am. wonder how ish the world. Hows Denise dey all. Lata going out wit Sam buying sum craft work den go jojo hse do the work. Its fer ms Choo de s she ish reali a special sum1 tuh e 3 of us. I admire her lotsa, wanna learn lotsa from her. She made good exampla of being a good math teacher. Nort a good leader though.

Never Judge or you too, will be Judged.

Now wanna collect songs den when I bought the mp3, I can jus simply store it in. Lord, bring me out tuh another world, mine ish jus too complicated, I will follow u. e qiu dao dingy, I will learn tuh stand up n say no, u will guide me rite? Thanks lotsa.

I feel e distance between qiqi n I already, its obvious though. Glad tt huiting reconciled wit Cecilia, if nort Cecilia will sure giv her a hard time. Nort long b4, I saw huiting brought our netball file, which only belongs tuh us, to sch as her homework file! I wanna cry that day but I held back my tears. Cos I dunn wanna do ant till I found out the truth. I noe chi zao me n her e sistaship will end. Cos our sistaship werent strong enuf. Nvm, jus hoped that she will continue tuh be a netballer. S fer qiqi, I will try tuh make her feel beta cos of her didi dingy, I noe tt fwenship cant depend very much us on 1 party, s qiqi ish owas e 1 tuh hold tis fwenship. Now I dink its my turn lorx. Hahax, will try my bes. I noe I m nort a good fwen. No 1 ish perfect. I will learn s we go, tts all I can say fer now. Thank God fer keeping me alive, make my life once again colourful. Bless ppl around me wit good health n cheerful minded.


Hi bloggy, now ish 12.23 Am in the morning. I cldnt get tuh slp so now wanna speak tuh u lorx. I m getting all confused in here, seriously. I cant seem tuh let go of ADJ. I noe when I lub dem, I mus learn tuh let go. I dunnoe whether I treated Jamie, wis, sam, jojo n qiqi dey all s fwen nort. Now hao bu rong yi reconcile wit denise, I feel great distances between us. We no longer trust each other much. wheneva she saw me o wit me, she will toke bout gan die. Ish gan die our onli source of chatting? I hab been pressurized, stressful. 2dae I gort e Good Progress Award dingy, denise smiled at me when I walked pass her. I read through our ADJ letters jus now, nort long ago, I cant put dem down. 2 yrs liao lehx!! Teach me how!! I noe I shld treasure denise now. I wanna make fwen wit Julia again n try make denise n Julia reconcile. How? I dunnoe. I noe I still lub dem? I noe tis ish my experience of lub fer fwens around me. I noe tis means tt dey r my bes eva sista tt I eva had. But I dunnoe how. How?

Den now another prob. I noe I had been losing faith 2wards Jesus. How? I dunnoe. I dun feel lyk reading bible, nort totally but dun feel lyk. I jus wanna listen tuh serene mummy toke bout tt, den I will understand it beta. Now I can react truthfully in front of serene mummy le, phew. I learned things bout qiu dao. Wheneva mentioned tis, I will feel uneasy, uncertain, unsecured, afraid. Dunnoe y. whenever I dink of Jesus, I feel secured, warmth n everything trusts worthy. I dunnoe how tuh be a leader. Even though sum ppl treated me so? I where gort value tuh be 1. qiqi pls tell me. U said I wasnt confident enuf, but I jus dunn wanna too much confident, how? Teach me Lord!

I dunnoe whether me n qiqi will still remain bes of fwen. Tt dae I decided tuh be fwen wit her ish becos I jus wanna leave e complicated world I m livin in den. Den out of no where, she treated me s her good fwen lyk last time, den we began tuh toke lyk tt lorx. E Tan said tt every stage u go, u will mit new fwen, make new fwens. Me? I rather had ADJ. I dunn wanna fwenship prob, its irritating honestly.

I dunn wanna hab lotsa fwens, even though trust serene mummy lotsa but she cant be my bes of fwen throughout, I still hav tuh learn how tuh walk n stand up on my own. I trust serene mummy cos she ish lyk my mother, e bond dunnoe how tuh say. I wanna concentrate on my studies.

E grades I achieved sucks! Wad tt mean ish tt even though tuh others, its good but tuh me? Haix. dey wun understand. Ppl hu achieved beta score den e rest n stand tuh be e most outstanding among dem will act s if dey r proud. I cant say directly in front of dem, my grades sucks! Rite? Dey will dink, wahlau u beta den me still say lyk tt wad u expect? Haix. Lord!! Help!!

I learned nort tuh hate jojo le, but I still haven get tuh over come e dislyks between Jamie n i. I dunn wanna hate or dislyk her cos she made good fwen. I neglected sam when I was wit Jamie. Even though I dunn really lyk dem lyk I lyk denise n Julia but at least I treated dem s fwens. Haix. Lord, teach me wad tuh do!!!

When love ish a decision, comes hate as a decision too.

Serene mummy made good leader n follower. She ish simple simple type de. Me? I had high expectations out of myself. I hate being a loser even though I had tuh be 1 den I can be a winner. Sucky though. So much fan nao!! How?! I dunn wanna zi zuo. Nort good fer health. Wt asked me out tuh her bdae party, even though its abit late but at least she asked. I wanna go but wad bout my mp3? Haix. I wanna go mit ming too. Dunnoe wad type person she ish. I hate tuh be treated s xiao mei mei.

Lord, pls help me solve all these probs, I hate it! Haix. y mus I dink too much de. Haix. pls make my life once again colourful. Pls make me more giving in tuh others. Pls make me stand up wit firm decision. Pls make serene mummy understands me. Pls make my fwenship prob beta. Pls make me less emotional. Pls make all gangs fwen nort ask me out even though its selfish. Pls make wt n ming nort les. Les ish a sin I noe. Pls make tis world peace. Cos u r e onli fwen I trust in most probably. Thanks God fer keeping me alive. Make my life colourful. I dunn wanna FAN NAO!!!

Wednesday, October 26, 2005Y

Camp Day 1:
We went tuh sch s per normal. We lined up into our klas and was being sent back tuh our sec 1 klas. Miss choo had tuh settle those hu did nort bring the consent form and called up their parents. Wahlau, dose hu did nort bring de very . . . no comments. . .
Den we were late when we reached the camp. I was being sent tuh my own grp wit others within de sec 2 lvl. Weiying changed number wit me(everyone gort a mnumber and mus line up according wit the numbers.), I was lyk, okie okie lahx type cos I noe I wun be any of my fwens, so I jus felt hopeless kinda. Den I saw qiqi went tuh her grp line liao, n I dunnoe which ush my grp no(my grp no ish 8) den I asked wad grp she in, she said 8. I was overjoyed den cos I tot I was wit no 1. Jamie was wit her usual grp of fwens, xueting dey all. Was quite disappointed, we said that we mus enjoy the camp together but in the end, me n her did nort toke much, once I speak tuh her she will misunderstand things de, mite s well dun speak. We slept opposite each other. We went to our own grp, my instructor ish David n Jeremy(fei fei). Found fei fei quite a nuisance cos toke crap de. Den david was okie, jus that a bit short cant see him well hahax. We went fer high elements first, the place was exactly wad my sista said. I saw 2 cats, so cutee!! It rain shortly afta tt, we cant do much so we worked on our item n cheer. Sianx. Managed tuh cum out wit sum. Went tuh slp. But cant! Cos we all were feeding mosquitoes! Sianx. I was waiting fer morning but it seems so long n far away. Was surprised tt qiqi haven slp so we went down together. Gort tuh share the hut wit Julia. She toked non stop in the nite, ppl cant get tuh slp. Den shortly, in was in e morning. Good gal de sam sam brought e wu bi gao! Ahh. . . felt beta after applying it!

Camp Day 2:
I went back tuh slp shortly afta tt n managed tuh wake up. Brushed my teeth, dunnoe how tuh comb my hair! Was nort used tuh my hair being so little, cant comb! Oh my gosh! So malu!! Haix. anyhow tie but in the end took out my rubber band. Qiqi did nort eat breakfast, kanna david dey all say. Hahax. Diaoz. Den we went fer rock wall, cant climb til e top cos no energy! Found smt tt I nit tuh worked on, my arm de strength, maybe cos I too fat. Diana skinny but can reach so now mus nu li jian fei!! Hmm. . .
Afta tt we went fer Nature Rumble. We gort tuh play in e mud in the jungle. Hahax. Face all covered wit mud, body oo. Jus everywhere! Ppl screaming everywhere. My shoes n socks from white changed tuh greenish black. We went tuh a so called lake n wash up. It ish oso in the jungle. Ppl swim around, dere oso gort dead snails! Jus everything! Wow!
Adventurous worx! My grp mates when tuh kayaking but I did nort get a chance tuh try. Cos my dad wun allow. Nvm lorx, jus watch dem play. Went fer luch afta tt. Qiqi gort eat hahax. Den afta tt we went fer rafting. We designed our own raft tt nit tuh carry the whole 36 of us! Was nice results but did nort get a chance tuh row our own raft cos it was already raining n dere ish lightning. Den we had early shower cool! Ee Hwa went tuh our hut n we toked til 1745 n we gathered at hut 13 tuh rehears our cheer n item. Afta tt we had our dinner early den day 1, changed tuh our camp shirt (campfire shirt) n we went fer campfire. floor was wet so grps had tuh bring their own benches from canteen. We were all so happi celebrating when a Garfield cat climd up the tree screaming! Hahax! Everyone stopped n shone their torches on it. It gort frightened n went away. We show our cheer n item. Nort bad campfire was it! Ppl laughed at our grp de skit! Went tuh bed afta doing reflections.

Camp Day 3:
I slept well throughout the nite. Wis gort mosquito bites wit her 5 fingers! Oh gosh! We had our breakfast den we had tuh do area cleaning before we gort off. Nice day cos nth tuh do much! SLACK! We r slackers! We clean canteen. Even though it’s big but nort bad cos dere ish sum grps cleaning toilets(u dunnoe how DIRTY n DISGUSTING izzit! *puke* *Faint*), we r considered e lucky ones. We finished earlier den expected den earlier. Jeremy had tuh go else where, did nort c him. David n sum SLs complimented us well done! Will miss david dearly, sho cute! He did hand stand pudsh ups n thngs lyk tt. Toked bout his gal fwen, n how he met dem(4 gal fwen including present de). Den we can find his info through web, I going now! Grp 4 (Sam de grp) won the bes grp award. We went home. Tired, I washed my stuff n went tuh bed. Thank God fer keeping me alive.

-Me n Denise will no longer be e same. I feel sum distance between us. Even though I longed wish tt we can reconcile but. . . it ish nort e same.denise told me tt she tried tuh toke tuh Julia but Julia jus ignore her. Lord, even if 1 dae, u will jus take denise n Julia away from me, I will accept it, it had been bout 2 yrs already. Jus make dem bes sista again. Dey r e bes when dey had each other. U understand? It breaks my heart seeing dem lyk tt! I noe tt denise being my fwen ish onli temporary, but I will still luv dem s eva. U will make me luv dem rite?

Sunday, October 23, 2005Y

Today I didnt do out that much, stayed at home do house work, nort much but nort little worx. Good bahx! Clear things up cos very messy mahx. Afta that I called qiqi asked her bout whether nit tuh really bring 2 bottles, in the end I decided tuh bring lorx. Wonder did she buy all her stuff, lata maybe lata she will call me up bahx. Will be uploading new song hahax. I went down tuh plaza (tt toopid vince didnt stir up trouble fer me, guai lan he!) and I bought moi things. Now gonna watch tv le. Lata den update u bahx. U mus take care k bloggy, hab tuh go 3D2N camp, will be back updating u on wed. dear Lord, bao you all those I noe wit good health and Bless world Peace! Thanks God fer keeping me alive, pls make me nort be afraid of zip line 2ml. =]

Saturday, October 22, 2005Y

Today woke up early in the morning. I had to be in school for the Thumbs Up! Program. When I got to school, I saw lotsa people wearing orange shirt ha-ha. We listened to what they had to say and went back to classroom shortly after that. In our class, there are 5 of the Thumbs Up! Members, Shuying, Gabriel, Jasmine, Saran n 1 more I dunnoe his name, he is from dunnoe which country, I forgot!
The games that we play were really lame and childish but maybe the class did have fun. We talked about the DISC thingy and I belonged to Group C.
I went to qiqi de house after that. I played Maple Story, training my character up to lvl 12. Haix, still damn slow. I talked to Marvin on msn. I asked him bout a person who is involved in gang but whether he or she could be involved in church. He said that that person can be involved in church but that person cant bring anyone to Christ because that person is nort a good model itself. Den I asked, what if that person had a beta inside than wad that person really is, he said there is nvr this kind of person. Haix, but this is me! Am I really that bad? I dunnoe, how m I suppose to noe?
But I really feel that I should put all my time to my studies and dont think of anything else!! But I really dunnoe how? How?! Teach me lahx! Den jia jia how? I dunnoe lahx! Its a stupid move for me but wad about jis jia? Aiyahx, I jus hack care bout dem 1st, until dey asked me out, maybe tts e only way fer me now.
Still packing for my camp dingy, I m afraid of flying fox but I cant wait to reach dere now. Hahax. Thanks God fer keeping me alive, plz bao you Cynthia n serene wit good health cos I may nort be seeing dem tt often liao. =]

Wednesday, October 19, 2005Y

2dae I gort back my test results. Dropped but at least nort veri badly. Obtained 6 As & 2 Bs. English improved from C tuh B, nort bad tuh me. Compared results wit e rest. Jamie didnt tell us hers, maybe she jus dun wanna share cos a bit sad bahx. I jus hope tt she will pass her mt, s she owas find it diff tuh do so. A bit disappointed when I found out tt my sci n geog dropped, but nvm, I jus wanna noe e combination marks. 2dae gort back de papers all ish As de, a bit happi arhx. Gort 2nd position for history and 3rd for dnt. Hmph! JiaJun had e highest, n lyn gort 2nd. Haix, if no careless mistakes, can get higher de lorx. Hmph! Hahax
2dae gort netball test, orh oh, I dunnoe sum of it. Hahax. Coach said tt 100% ish e passing marks, jkjk de lahx. Me, ruling, qiqi n Valerie went home together afta tt. Ruiling n Valerie sick, Lord, bless dem wit good health. Went qiq de hse play ms, gort tuh noe a fwen hu ish also a Christian, excited. Her name ish Ethel, sweet name tuh me. Hmm. She helped me lots in ms jus now, helping me lvl up. Me going qiqi de hse play again. Gort tuh toke tuh her in msn bahx. Nort 2dae, maybe sum other days. Wonder how ish nic, nvr hear frm him liao, wonder he still holding on tuh sam nort. Aiyo, sam gort lotsa suitors. Hahax. Jiayou sam! Sam de results improved, relieved, cos I had confident in her when Jamie dun wanna study wit her. Tt time gonna help Jamie cos her marks was nort very good n she wanted tuh get into pure bio. Sam I fang xin, her progress results tells me so. Sam u good kay!! But in e end, Jamie de marks was nort very good cos wheneva we study together, she wil owas toke. Haix. but disappointed wit qiqi de marks. Cos horx, she gort no time tuh finish most of it. I noe she disappointed wit her dnt de results, nvm, qiqi jiayou! We will be bes of fwens (mummy n daughter) from now til old. We will still study together even we nort same klas. When tt dae happens, u also hav tuh teach me e sub I didnt get kay!! Will help sam improve her marks. Cos sam de mummy maybe will nort let her continue her studies afta sec 4. sam, mus prove tuh ur mummy tt her $$ ish worth fer u do da xue kay!?
Thanks God fer keeping me alive, my life ish nort e worse. Let’s pray tt Cynthia de health will be s good s eva, help her recover soon. Let serene mummy quick hav a chubby de baby. Let our results pass wit flying colours so that we can all graduate together!! Thanks! =)

Tuesday, October 18, 2005Y

Hahax, 2dae quite happi. Jamie, sam n qiqi followed me go cut hair. Hahax. My mum say onli $5 but in e end $8, nvm. Sam lent me cds n I burned it le. Hahax. Good, gort more cds. My hair a bit funny suiting my face hahax. Not bad tuh me but beta tuh my fwenx. 2ml wanna go sch, dunnoe wad will happen. Maybe my senior will sae ugly duckling follow ppl cut style, nvm, me ish me mahx. Didnt call Cynthia n serene mummy 2dae. Dunnoe how dey. Hmm. 2dae gort e RAAD toke, about teens life de, wanna join but horx, mus pay annually, scared my edusave no money left. Jocelyn msged me telling me go c her blogger, gort bout me de. Dunnoe. Maybe I lata go c. sam send a reminder remind me bring e cds 2ml. good lorx, gort so many cds, she gonna buy more blank disc, helping her burn e songs I collected so far. Hehe. Went tuh Jamie de hse. Hahax. We comb comb e hair here n dere. Sang songs, tokin bout our dreamx, Jamie n qiqi wanna be actress, me? Me n sam n Jamie form JAS b singer. Toked bout asking SHE be our shi fu. Hahax. By tt time, dey old liao. Collecting their album bahx. We sang sang til qiqi fell aslp on e floor. Den we stopped, letting qiqi slp on e bed. Afta a while, Jamie de kor came back. Hahax. Jamie pushed e door open when her kor bathing, den we run away, veri bad but fun sia. We nvr c ant. Hahax. Jamie told qiqi tt we all are apart le, but 2dae I feel nth. We r still bes of fwen, bes of sista. Lata me, sam n qiqi took lrt n went hm. Kanna scolded by parents fer staying late, hahax.gonna go c Jocelyn de blog le.
Dear Lord, new hair cut equals no fan nao equals new life. A brand new life. No separation. Preparing tuh tell serene n Cynthia bout my bloggy. Wun mention ant bout gang dingy til dey ask me out. Feel lyk going ice skatin, maybe afta my leg recover, cant wait fer 2ml, cos gort netball. Thank God fer keeping me alive. I wanna live my life tuh e fullest. Wonder wad will serene mummy n Cynthia react ahahax. Wanna ask Cynthia b my sista. C 1st bahx.
Wonder how will he react 2ml hahax. 2dae gort back results, sucky! Puke. Cried at sch, fretting my temper at e wall hahax. Of cos lahx, aimed so high. Hmm. If I tell Cynthia dey all bout my results, dey sure say or bi de. Hahax. Cos horx, acted in front of dem s sum1 else, of cos will think tt way. Nvm. Hav fun.

I noe jia jia cant c but I wanna still wryte:
Jia jia, owas rmb tt when u decide 1 dae tuh go back tuh the rite path, n no 1 wanns tuh hold ur hand, I will owas be there fer u. I wun giv up, cos I was once lyk u when I was in pri sch. Every1 nits a chance, I will giv chances. I will let u go fer now so tt u can experience e life u r livin. It is selfish tuh hold u back even though its rong.

Monday, October 17, 2005Y

told cynthia le. she will be telling serene. jus now msged me telling me tt e fwenship line was cut. a bit heart broken. of course lahx, hav tuh lie den hav tuh act s if nth reali happened. yuan lai in cynthia de heart i m very straightforward de. tis ish another word fer proud, boastful. i noe. she nvr sae anything. me n her actually not close, but treated her s gd fwen, but infront of her hav tuh be sum1 else. tired. shld i tell dem e truth n trust dem? i dunnoe. shld i treat dem lyk how i treat shiqi? i dunnoe. dey hav their own stuff, their own grp of fwenx, me? i onli small tinny winny thingy, wad m i tuh dem?

me now wit jamie nort close liao. lyk gort 1 huge mountain in between us. me n her si bei stubborn type de. once nort happi wit each other, sure quarell de. haix. wanna e fwenship back? dunnoe, cos lyk i dunn lyk her attitude le.


2dae did nth much, got back my sci result, quite disappointed. But nvm, wad is ova is ova. Ytd went serene mummy de hse. Dunnoe whether I shld call her mummy again nort, but tis ish already a habit. We made sushi n we ate it. Serene mummy taught us how tuh make it. I gave Cynthia attitude when we r in the taxi. Sianx. I dunnoe whether shld I hav dem s my fwen nort. A bit quite sad. Serene mummy said I m proud, glad tuh hear tt, at least she know tis ish part of me, a real bad point. Tuh dem, I lyk tuh boast around, jus because I noe how tuh play bball, jus because I achieve beta results den e rest. Nvm, proud word will be fine wit me. Lord, I dunnoe wad tuh do. I m getting all confused ova here, I m once again into gang, n den wt ish now a les. Everything changed, jia jia, mngzhi, denise, Julia. Now even Jamie. I dunnoe wad tuh do. Shiqi did not change. Joined gang becox of jia jia. Now wad? Wait fer? My life ish filled wit? I dunnoe. I dun c a bright future. Maybe 1 dae I may even break off fwenship wit shiqi.the whole world changed. Me? I changed. I changed from a cheerful gal now becum lyk tis. Me? I noe u gave me tis life, cherish it, shiqi owas say. Serene mummy n Cynthia make good fwen. Maybe I will jus find an excuse say tt dey r older den me n break off any relationship wit dem? Me? I selfish? I dunnoe. Tell me wad tuh do. Getting all confused ova here. Gtg change my add again. How? Pls tell me. I only trust u.

dunnoe whether I shld lyk him. O maybe shld say, I m afraid of lykin him. He ish only my brother. He lyks yuhui. Me? Third party? Luv ish nort by feelings, ish by decision. My decision? I dunnoe. He ish a gentle, kind and fine guy. I m not suitable fer him. Of course tis ish true. No good points bout me. Going cut hair soon. Now in e process of jian fei. Thank God fer keeping me alive. Let me feel grateful n cheerful lyk I was in the past. Secondary sch life ish e bes n e worse.

Saturday, October 15, 2005Y

hmm... sob sob... jus now saw jia jia's blogger. not bad i mus comment, but den tis shows how much she changed. at least 1 thing i m happi, she ish still concentrating on her studies. everybody beside her wished her gd luck fer tests. i dunnoe wad i shld do. shld i giv her up? if i do, hu will gib her chance when she nit it? lyk wad others gav me chances? even her bes fwen, mingzhi changed, how? i realli dunnoe how. i alreadi decide tuh make my website private. 2dae no time. 2ml will definitely change. thank god fer keeping me alive, my world ish filled wit no hope. depressed.


2dae did nth much. I woke up quite early den accompany my neighbour, caiyun, go plaza buy her fwen bdae present. 2dae octopus and xiao puff went tuh church. Sumtimes, I wonder when will I get tuh go wit dem, sumtimes, I reali feel so left out. 2ml will be helping out cleaning things tuh prepare fer e old folks home dingy, I wonder how will I react when I see serene mummy and Cynthia, maybe will find lotsa excuse not tuh be their fwen. Me attitude towards dem seriously had changed. Jus maybe 1 dae, I dunnit all my fwens around me anymore, jus maybe 1 dae, will delete tis blogger, or jus maybe 1 dae will not giv any1 my blogger address when I change it again. Maybe tis will be restricted area bahx. We will c bahx. Thank god fer keeping me alive, my life ish no longer colourful.

Thursday, October 13, 2005Y

Yeah, 2dae finally last paper le! I can relax le. Gort freedom le. I wan tuh do lotsa things. Play basketball, netball go kbox hahax. 2ml I cant go ice skating wit xiao puff dey all cox my ankle haven relli recovered. Haix, a bit disappointed. Okie le, bye bloggy, gonna help jj make blog le.

YWELCOME