Friday, September 29, 2006Y

i mus post today.

today 1st period a maths, the moment cher stepped in, she shout tuh the klas. she was pissed off. cos zhenxiang used hp durng her klas ytd. haish. den he was rude tuh her too. he says wad, my mother oso nvr care so much bout me, ni ping she me? wah! cher shouted outside the klas very loud lor, toilet oso can hear. ppl in toilet asked me wad happened. after zhenxiang involved in gang things, he become very -hot-. as in small matters oso mus blow big. cannot let matter rest. he jus wanna act big or smt bahs. if he realli join SYH, he ish onli a ginna, no big deal wad. if the person tt kept him as ginna ish the head den diff lahs.

cher says she mus get thigns clear. she asked those hu used hp in klas be it from term 1 til now tuh stand up. weihsin sat down 1st, den by jane and den chongying, followed by yuhui and peijie. WTH, they all used hp in klas de, and dey dare tuh sit down. me RL and MY very fed up sia. MY today very pek cek, til she eat slowly dun wanna do prefect duty. cos she says ppl hu dun have integrity bu pei order her tuh do things. [peijie]. wahlau lor, i actually wanted tuh raise my hand at tt point in tyme and tell cher straight tuh the face that jane used hp in klas. im very sure about this, cos we used it together. sians. but i did nort, cher was too angry tuh digest anything. she said she tot she wud see at most 5-6 ppl standing up, but den almost the whole klas was standing up. tt to0pid ah peh oso sit down. he gort take out de lor, dun dare giv ppl his no. FCUK off lahs. [sorry God, very pissed off by him everyday].

after sch we waited for Grace, she came baq tuh sch take her cert. o lvl de cert. sians. last yr take o lvl this yr take cert. lma0s. but feel a bit left out in mac. its ok lahs. i dun feel well. head very dizzy, dunnoe whether izzit becos of my spect nort. hahas.

God, bless everyone. bless me wit my EOY. i can do it! i will have faith and confidence for you will shower ur blessing tuh me. =) JIAYOU!

Sunday, September 24, 2006Y

Hie bloggie. Felt bored so wanna update. I m now very sad.

If RL hates jane so much tt she has tuh visit her blog, y wun she wants tuh come tuh my blog. Hmm, ish nort tt she dun wan. Its jus tt she says if I mentioned anything bad bout her, let it be, dun spoil our gan qing. But ish tt so?

Was changing seats in the 1^st place rong? Actually I would really rather sit wit jane. At least she wun fan me in between lesson. At most she will at dere, hmm, huh, orh.

Now RL changed baq seats. It was my decision. But I hurt chun yu dey all. If chun yu dey all mind lahs. Den I din toke tuh RL most of the tyme. She will go baq during e maths lesson. By her action, I could tell tt she was actually nort happi wit me. I jus wanna concentrate on my studies. Haish.

I tot meiyen understands. Cos at 1^st it was meiyen hu supported me. She was the one hu said she wanna study too. Now she sms me, ask me tuh change place wit RL. I can do nth. But I requested changing seat wit meiyen, but nort RL. I shall sit alone. =/

I m nort in a good mood though. No one seems tuh understands me. Urgh! M I so detestable? Y cant ppl spend tyme knowing me better? M I being selfish this way? I dunnoe lahs.

Anyway, I have a good news. I applied for BB, activating on the 28^th this month. My team Focusilate has a website. My team seems supportive. I hope Focusilate can be foreva. Jiayou!

God, pls take away my pain. Bless me foreva. It hurts. Thanks =)

Saturday, September 23, 2006Y

Is 1^st impression so important to you? Have this test tuh test yourself. It’s a true life account.

Imagine yourself attending a party that involves many people. You are having a drink some where near a swimming pool. And you saw many people swimming. Something caught your eyes, a woman with great figure, wearing sexy swimming costume wit tattoos all over her body. What ish your 1^st impression of her?

[say the truth, no point lying. Because you are onli lying tuh yourself.]

Let me tell you the result, many ppl wud think tt this gurl is a triad person and involves in the black society. But here is the true account. . .

Since she was born, this gurl is a molested child. She grew up normally and she possessed what a women possess. She has great figure. And what needs tuh be big ish big, what needs tuh be small ish small. She grew up being molested by her father. It was painful for her. But she learnt something, her dad hates tattoos very much, so wit the pain in her heart, she went tattooing all over her body so tt her dad wud nort molest her anymore.

[now, whats ur impression of her? Ask yourself, ish 1^st impression matters tuh u now?]

I have nth tuh do now, so I decide tuh update blog. =)

I have been studying for the past few days. Once sch ish over, I will tell myself tuh go home, finish all hmwk and start revising. Yupp, now I onli have this road left, so I choose tuh believe wad yixin said and tuh heed her advice. Have faith and confidence. Even if u have confidence, you must oso possessed knowledge wad. Haish. I jus hope I can pass my EOY wit flying colours so as tuh pull up my marks. Some times I wonder, is choosing pure sciences wrong? Chinese ppl owas say, dun have a big head, dun wear big hat. I oso dunnoe lehs. But since its already past a year for sec 3 and a year ahead tuh o level, no point sitting here wondering. Jus look forward and do my best. I must do my best, cos I dun wanna regrets. I haven been watching teevee and playing com. Even my blog I oso mus wait exam ova den update. I dunnoe if I shud let sam come in here. But she seems eager. So I shall decide after exam. I m very vexed ova smt. I think smt tt really matters.

When the sec 3 yr started, I wanted to patner sam in the parade square cos I think in 3/9 I m closest tuh sam. Yixin said I will have fwens in 3/9 so I decided tuh keep this deep down my heart and see. When I was in the parade square, jojo came and snatched sam away from me. I told myself, fine, let her be, I shall sit wit sam. I did nort scold her or lose temper then. But when we reached 3/9 klas room, I walk wit sam side by side and chose a sit at the baq. Then suddenly jojo cut in and sit wit sam. I was very angry, very frustrated. My patience has its limit. Jojo is getting too far. I want tuh scold her, but den I chose tuh remain quiet. Den jojo say, aiya nvm lahs, next yr let u sit wit sam lor. I knew by then starting of the yr is already bad, worse would come next. So I jus say alone in the other row. This was when I started tuh talk tuh ying liang.

Lyk this, days, weeks and months passed. Jojo kept patnering sam. They both owas pang seh me. I was crying deep down my heart but onli God knows. I tot I could build better fwenship wit sam, but it did nort turn out lyk tt. Jojo kept standing between me and sam. They both are great fwens. Wheneva sam ish wit yixin, I m the extra one. Wheneva sam ish wit jojo I m oso the extra one. Where ish my dignity? I have my own dignity. So I decide tuh leave them alone. By then I m alr close tuh RL cos we were both in the same CCA and both in the same klas. Whenever jojo dun have sam, she will come look for me. Wheneva sam dun have jojo she will look for me. Then they will rmb me. Den hu m I tuh them? Did they even spare a thought for me? Did they realize that I m so hurt inside. That’s owas the reason why I hate jojo. Even from sec 1 til now. The hatred will nvr dissolve completely. It will nvr go away. I know tt once jojo ish alive on earth I will nvr goin tuh stop hating her. I begun tuh follow Rl everywhere, nort really everywhere, but jus wit her. By her side, I knew MY , jane and joyce. This expanded my fwenship circle. More fwens. I tot it was good, perhaps.

Recess tyme, I no longer waited for sam and jojo. I know they feel that we are alr apart, maybe slowly. They did nort say ant. They waited for me every recess, but in return I did not wait for them. I will jus acc RL for recess and pang seh dem. I ask myself, m I happy this way? I dun bother den. I know they felt that I m too much. I m waitinf for them tuh say I m too much. But that day nvr happen. I alr has an ans if they were tuh tell me I m too much. I will jus tell them straight to the face they were the one who throw me aside. They were the ones hu pang seh me 1^st.

I felt very comfortable wit RL dey all. Jus becos I dun feel as stress when I was wit yixin and sam. Standing beside yixin and sam, I m owas the extra one. Nort onli character, not onli fwenship, its everything. U name it I have got it. But wit Rl dey all its completely different. They dun ai mei. Dey dun wear branded clothes. When they go out they will ask me. Nort lyk sam and yixin owas go out nvr ask me. Maybe jus becos I m the extra one. Nort tt I dun ai mei, nort tt I dun wan behave lyk a gurl. I jus believe I dun have the rights to do tt. I want tuh change myself, but hu will giv me the chance. They are hurting me again and again. But wit RL I m owas laughing, im forever laughing. So I tot y nort? End all kinda of stupid fwenship and jus cherish this fwenship. I cant behave my true self infront of yixin and sam. But onli RL. Even if I sit awkwardly they wun say anything. Even if I say vulgarities they wun say ant. I can somehow behave in my true self infront of them.

Things started tuh change. RL owas love gossiping. Actually nort really so, she jus wanted tuh get things off her chest. By gossiping ish the best method for her. She hate jane. I dislike jane. She is foreva full of fwens, but she dunnoe wad exactly each fwens wants. When she have them, she will pang seh u, when she have u she will pang seh them. Its nvr balance. She wun understand, unless she has been thru these. She wun bother how u feel when she ignores u. I chose tuh be wit her grp of fwens, I alr lost sam by then. But then some times she oso pang seh me. I m lyk a clown. Hu will owas do things as she please, but nort for my own sake. I tot if its worth a smile, y nort? Yixin and sam wit jojo did nort make me smile. I dun smile whenever wit them.

On Friday, as usual RL would rush down tuh the canteen for her recess. Den I tot she wun really cares bout me, wad for I care bout them. I wanted tuh test, if sam and jojo reali bother me. I jus continue wit my maths, as if nth happened, den sam approached me. She ask me if I wan tuh go down have my recess. At that point of tyme, I was touched. Maybe jojo was the one tt stood between me and sam and sam was the innocent one. I dunnoe. I tot I shud try tuh be independent nort owas relying on others. But I m afraid tt I wud have no fwens. Izzit becos of tt tt I tried tuh act lyk someone else in front of others? If I really be myself, I wud jus kip my mouth shut and nth come out of it. Ppl will think tt I m bored. Mite as well smile and make them happy.

Whenever I walked past yixin and qiqi, I dun smile tuh them. They owas try their best tuh smile in front of me. They wud wave at me. Despite me nort smiling and waving baq at them, sometimes maybe giving them a black face, they wud jus smile and wave at me. Sometimes after giving them a black face, I look baq, they were too unhappy. I dunnoe. I nit care and concern. I m lack of these. But I dun nit ppl pityness. Sometimes I jus wan tuh be alone, so I pretend nort seeing them. Sometimes when I wud lyk tuh talk tuh them, I have no topic. I know friendship between me and them as alr been gone. Dead.

I shud giv up. Maybe I shud let dem be. But how shall I tell them? By writing in blog? I doubt yixin wud read it. Sam cant enter too. By mouth? Maybe I wud break into tears. Hu knows?

God, u rule my world u decide. I have no say I have no rights. I m jus a dead individual waking on earth. Replace my heart wit ur humble heart. Take away my burden and troubles. Thanks lots. Bless world peace. Bless everyone. Bless me wit this coming EOY. I feel so much better letting everything out. You are so great.

Monday, September 18, 2006Y

its goin tuh be exam week, m0st pr0bably will n0rt update f0r a m0nth, until exam ova.

anw, i did really badly f0r the last 3 terms, n0w its my turn tuh buck up. i reall i wan tuh buck up!

GOD, bless me wit determinati0n. thanks. =) wish me luck!

Wednesday, September 13, 2006Y

today went tuh sch as per normal. but had a bad dream ytd a really bad one. let me relate the dream.

i dreamt of staying in sch for lesson. den suddenly gort a fone call by cynthia telling me serene mummy dead, ask me go tuh the funeral. i was very shocked! totally shocked! i kept asking myself, dunnoe wad happen. i noe i have tuh go, so i left everything in sch and rush ova dere. de place very grand. i cried really badly. i dunn0e, jus a very solem feeling. den i was very scared. very very. i n0e tt if serene mummy realli die, i will oso die. den i suddenly wake up fr0m de dream.

i was still frightened. n0w den i n0e i realli love serene mummy alot. if she really die hor, den i think i will oso die. i dunnoe. i now having mood swing. cant get over it. sms-ed serene mummy, meeting next sat, haish!

God, u must bless everyone ok? thanks. =/

Sunday, September 10, 2006Y

The starting of the day was really bad. I fell aslp last nite, so I did nort get a chance tuh tell my parents today I meeting jia xin at lot 1 return her hmwk. I settled everything, confirmed with RL meeting her at 8.30 am and jia xin out side mac. So early in the morning, I slipped out of the hse, left a note, I noe I wld get a hard scolding from my parents, but no matter wad I mus return jia xin de paper. The reason tuh why I chose it tuh be in the morning ish becos I knew jia xin nit tyme tuh finish de hmwk, I dun mind waking up early in the morning. So I took 190 wit RL and arrived at lot 1.

We waited for so long, but jia xin nvr appear. Den I used RL de fone call her, she was still sleeping! I was so fed up! We were supposed tuh meet in the morning. Haish!! Den I gave her a lecture and went baq home. When I reach home, my parents called me, so I gave a knock on the door. My parents told me tt jia xin father scold dem early in the morning. Very fierce. I was lyk. . it was between me and jia xin wad. So I gave a call tuh jia xin again and explain tuh her dad, her dad gort the matter right finally. But when I think back, actually cant really blame jia xin. I dunnoe lahs. My mum scolded me, but my dad drove me tuh her hse and I pass it tuh her. jia xin seem quite afraid of me. Den I rmb wad xue hua said, jia xin oso gort attitude de. I dunnoe lahs, dunnoe whether I shud trust her. I felt sad for her oso. Want tuh be her fwen, but in the end. .dunnoe lahs. Den I sent a msg tuh her saying Im sorry to her dad and her. den she say sorry too. I dunnoe lahs. I think jus let the matter rest. =/

RL in my hse. Actually quite bored cos nth tuh do. I finally finished all my hmwk. Den RL went home cos nit tuh buy paper. Haish. Actually she was kinda rude tuh her mum too. On the phone. I was thinking if one day her mum nort dere for her le, wad wld she do. Mus cherish the love ones beside u. den jane msg me wanted me tuh help her wit pw. Maybe wait til I online bahs.

Made another skin for team FOCUS le. Actually ish 2 lahs. Quite ok bahs. Den mus help jojo upload. Wait til I free bahs.

Anw, GOD thanks for ur blessing. Bless world peace. Bless everyone on earth. Take away their suffering and showered dem wit happiness. Thanks. =)

Saturday, September 09, 2006Y

Ellox blogger. L0ng tyme nvr update le. Actually n0rt very l0ng. >.<

Ytd I lend my user and pw let ms yee enter. She h0r! even tag 0s0 dunn0e. *speechless*. Den sum m0re press til 2 tymes. *nth tuh say*. Lma0s. actually she n0rt the 0nli 0ne. lma0s.

I hate the physics pr0ject. Maybe its because I nvr w0rk with yanting dey all bef0re. lyk dunn0e h0w tuh c0-0perate. Sam still the same bahs. Actually they are g00d individuals, but maybe put t0gether a bit weird. Anyways, me and RL quite cl0se lia0. actually 0nli during h0lidays we will be cl0se. the rest 0f the days w0uld be lyk, . . . at least cl0ser. Hai ha0 bahs.

I made my bl0g beta in a sense le. But still feel smt ish missing. Maybe mus add m0re things. my latest bl0gskin [h0ldmyhand_wearef0reva] g0rt m0re den 20 DL in a day. I mean less den 24 h0urs. Ahem, actually n0rt really tt g00d lahs, but at least ish already beta c0s the rest lyk, pui! But great impr0vement! Jiay0u!!! g0rt many ppl help me c0mment can le!! =)

I still cant find the true me, still cant find my 0wn talent. But I kn0w I l0ve music, sp0rts, entrepreneur and html. S0 maybe I will w0rk t0wards these areas. Lma0s.

God, thanks f0r y0ur blessing. The ginger d0es w0rk! Lma0s. thanks. G00d day, God bless!

Tuesday, September 05, 2006Y

Hmm. It has been quite l0ng since I updated. S0 I m updating t0day. L0L. sat went tuh the presidents challenge charity drive 2006. I tot our sch would be involved in many things. But in the end, we ended up 0nli cleaning the grass area. Very pathetic rite? I n0e the rest w0uld be lyk… urgh!! T0t we visiting elderly h0mes, but it the end…

I n0e lahs. I was actually being deceived as well. Haish. But they wun beliv, w0uld they? Wee wee suddenly wants tuh g0 h0me when she is very supp0rtive 0f these things. But in the end, she was lyk t00 tired? I n0e I let wee wee d0wn t00. haish. But we managed tuh make a m0untain of leaves taller den me? 1.52 m? LOL.

That day I was n0rt really that happy. C0 kanna pang seh-ed by yixin and sam. They are f0rever t0gether. I n0e~. haish. I 0was lyk g0 between dem, but then feel very paisehs 0s0. I 0s0 have dignity de mahs. Haish. S0 since I have w0rk tuh d0, den I left them al0ne. yixin chao ping ming, until I think sun burned. L0L. darker den me~ aiya, she f0reva darker den me! Lalalas~

T0day went uh singap0re p0ly. Again kanna pang seh-ed by yixin and sam. Den I n0e dey will sure be together. S0 I left them al0ne t00. I walk t0gether wit jia xin2. den was lyk quite 0kay. Startin t0kin tuh yixin and sam when I was in the t0ilet. Wadeva lahs. I m n0rt a g00d fwen th0ugh. I admit. S0 cant expect t00 much fr0m them t00. life g0es 0n. actually dun intend tuh lyk visit yixin de bl0g. but den everytime will lyk wanna peep a bit. L0L. maybe she shud change the pw. L0L.

Went f0r the ch0c0late-making secti0n. actually quite fun. Made my 0wn ch0c0late. Br0ught h0me. Den g0rt 0ne guy abit ‘higher’ den the rest. Err, quite sh0rt de. But it s0me h0w resemble my pri sch de fwen. Quite hands0me bahs. Even sam dey all 0s0 say. S0 taste n0rt bad bahs. LOL.

S0metimes I w0nder. Am I really that bad? 0r m I n0rt c0ncern 0f my fwen enuf. Sam nvr menti0n b0ut her ‘pers0nal’ lyfe de. Yixin 0s0. jus tt wheneva I g0 her bl0g den I w0uld find 0ut. I w0nder whether sam really have s0me 0ne she lyk 0r jus an imaginary 0ne. her bl0g g0rt s0 many 0f ‘him’ here and dere. When I asked her if she has s0me0ne she lyks she says n0. den she publicize her bl0g, mean tt she wants ppl tuh n0e. I dunn0e lahs. Jus tt g0rt 2 pers0n lyk her in 0ur klas.

Anw, God, pls bless my days ahead. Bless the w0rld. Thanks. =)

YWELCOME