Sunday, January 15, 2006Y

Omg, ytd Cynthia de bdae, I fergot tuh sms her!! Omg!! Hais. Ytd gort training. The team noes hu r the sch team members. I m nort being selected. I m NORT! I was disappointed. Coach says, hard works pay off. Its nort true. I noe no matter how hard I try, how hard I train, I m still the worse in the team, I m still the least talented. I cried along the way, acc-ing huiting n ruiling tuh mac. Dey din noe. I din say. I dun wanna say. Yes, tts rite. Suddenly huiting toke tuh me lotsa more. Does it means tt we r dada lyk b4? She jus appear when I nit console, when I nit sum 1s concern. I dunnoe. I just hope, we can jus stay lyk tt. Maybe. I dunnoe how lynne n jam feels, I wish I noe. I jus noe dey r disappointed too. I still hab a chance fer next yr. half of my heart tells me tt, no matter wad, I mus strive for it, at least I noe. I mus still beliv wad coach says Half of it says tt I jus hab tuh gib up, I stand no chance, I m still the worse no matter wad. I mus nort beliv wad coach says. I dunnoe. But huiting n ruiling says tt I must nort gib up. Dey all nort playing next yr, so shld i? I dun wanna play wit one of the malays. Hais. God, teach me. Saw Jolene de blog, noe tt club n sch team will combine, hope Jolene can make it. =) I m tired, I wanna take a rest. My knee begin tuh hurt again. I dun wanna anyone tuh noe. I jus wanna keep everything in the dark, hang on til the end in the dark myself, alone. At least in the end, I noe I haven let myself down, its jus tt I m the least talented.

Friday, January 13, 2006Y

2dae woke up s usual, 6.05am. actually its 6 cos my clock 5 mins faster mahs. Went for netball. Siripen asked me why I still go fer training since I m nort in netball le, I dunnoe how tuh ans. I jus lub netball, so I went netball jus fer the sake of netball. I said I went fer netball cos I wanna jian fei. I joked, asking ppl tuh wish me jian fei success. Hahas.

Hmph! Was real angry at recess tyme. Was really fed up. Now I must scold bad words again. Fuck off!! Arrghh!!! We bought noodle, sam, jojo n i. suddenly sam wanted me change hers tuh laksa. So I did. I wanted too. I told auntie 2 bowls of laksa n 1 bowl of jojo de noodle. Den u noe wad? I told auntie liao den jojo told me she wanna laksa too. I told auntie le, den wad? Auntie passed me jojo de noodle. Den jojo say tell auntie. Auntie say I already ordered le. Den her face black black. Okie lahs! My fault lahs! SHE OWN SELF NVR TELL ME 1ST. and its my fault! Wad kinda logic ish tis. Wanna smack her face. Okies, so I ate her noodle n gave her mine. She NVR say thank you. Den after that, I nit tuh save money fer Cynthia de bdae gift. So I did NORT wan tuh return her $3 1st tis week. I intend tuh pass her together wit my mum de money when she passes me the pineapple tarts fer new yr. den u noe wad? She just say, u still owe me money. Den put MY money into HER wallet. Fuck! Wad ish tis? I really feel lyk punching her, throw the noodle at her face n walk away. But I stayed calm. I really really gort nth tuh say. I HATE JOJO. Tts all I noe, I can sae. Arrghh!!! I HATE HER, HATE HER, HATE HER!!! I am nvr going tuh convince myself tuh lyk jojo s my fwen ANYMORE. She sucks!
Everyday, every hour, every minute, every seconds, she stick tuh sam. She already sit wit sam, pang seh me le. Den now wad? Even patner oso wanna snatch sam away, pang seh me. I mus learn tuh be independent. I really hate her tuh the core. Me n her will nvr gonna be good fwens, nort even fwens. Fuck! So wad if my lyfe no fwens. I noe 1 day, sum 1 will understands me. I dun nit jojo. Fuck off! Go away. Get out!!

Sowie God, 2dae used too much vauguer words. I cant help it. Wheneva I think of this, I really feel lyk carry her n throw her on the ground hard.

Was considering whether a nort tuh delete my netball blog. Nit sum tyme tuh decide. Coach says I may enter the sch team. I dunnoe a nort, if I shld beliv his words n work hard for the sake of it. I will jus play hard n see how things goes. Ish tis really frm the bottom of my heart?

Monday, January 09, 2006Y

Yozz. Ellox blogger. Long tyme nvr c liao rite? Hahas. =) let me update things tt happened the past few days. Tracy suddenly msg me in fwenster, ask bout my sch lyfe n hp no. it was lyk, I was so shocked honestly. Cos I tot she was angry wit me plus she lost her memory mahs. But she said she tot I was angry wit her instead. Oh my, tt was so coincidence. It was lyk, suddenly return tuh the past, when she ish the tracy I knew. But had fun chatting in fwenster. Now, I began tuh dink whether wad jieying said was true. Shld I just treat it s nth happen? Maybe I shld bahs. Past past le mahs. =) I now mus concentrate on my studies. Sec 3 no big deal, but o lvl big big deal lehs. (X_x)

Oh my, I dun wanna mr yap be my physic cher lehs. I wanna mr tan lehs. Hais. 3/9 every sub cher ish the best (nort I sae 1), except mr yap tuh me lehs. Dun understand was teaching he. Hais. How? Sigh. Jus walk 1 step count 1 step lors. 2ml wanna go china town wit ruiling, but dunnoe whether she can nort. Den 2ml so many hmwk. Arrggh!!

Oyah, I missed smt. Ruiling actually wanna me tell tracy how unfair ish the netball team dingy. But shld I tell? Or shld I jus leave it fer her tuh c when she cum visit us. I do hope tracy can b s funny s she used tuh be. Hahas. =))

Wednesday, January 04, 2006Y

Hab tuh wryte post early. Cos cant use the com late at nite. Hab tuh slp at 10pm sharp. So maybe hab tuh do my sit ups a bit earlier. Saw denise 2dae, she saw me, we did nort say hi. She did smt tuh her tongue, will she go back tuh the days of astray again? I seriously hope nort.even if we cant go back tuh the days when we will be happi upon seeing wach other in sch, I hope she will be more wit her fwens around her. Will nort 4get tuh mit her every sat, but tis week where tuh mit lehs? Denise, take care.

2dae our a maths cher came intuh our klas. Its Mrs Philips. Omg! I nvr think its her man. I noe she teach kinda good, o man. 3/9 ish really lucky. hab best cher. The way she talks oso very patient man. I lyk her s my cher even though she haben start teaching. Wun be afraid asking her quest. She wun mind ppl askin her lotsa same quest lotsa tymes, tts really wad I nit. I nit sum 1 tuh keep on reminding me, so tt it wld becum a habit. I m really looking forward in working wit her. =)

hab netball 2dae. Nort really training cos gort sec 1 orientation. Coach nvr come. Besta, cos dun really feel lyk training 2dae. Maybe fri beta? =)
huiting, me, Geraldine, ming xia n jovin went tuh lot 1 2dae. Huiting actually going home frm lot 1. we toke 2dae! I nvr belive tis. We were lyk nvr toke fer long tyme le. We shared an umbrella 2dae, cos dun wanna take mine out. Den its lyk she keep askin me, izzit okie a nort? Feel thankful n grateful. Maybe the past was my fault. I jus hope, we can still be best of dada. Will she noe wad I m thinking?

2dae still the same, I still remain my lyfe s a loner. Jojo keep sticking tuh sam. Told Jamie bout it. She did nort say ant much. Hais. 2dae I switched places in klas. I noe sitting in front wit jia xin frm 2/5 last yr. she very quiet but nort bad s a fwen. She no patner, so I patner her lors, I oso no patner wad. Den jojo say tis yr I sit wit sam, next yr let u sit lors. I was lyk, no nit lahs. I already feel lyk giving up on fwenship le. No much good words can take away tt thought. God, I noe u made my lyfe in sec 3 beta cos u gave me a new fwen. But I still hab tuh rebuild the fwenship which I feel tired about. I dun wanna start a new fwenship. Normal class mate will do. Thanks lotsa anw. =)


2dae ish the 1st dae of sch. Was expecting tuh be left out, n yea, it turned out tuh be rite. Jojo keep sticking tuh sam. I noe tt 3 of us, 1 will be left out, yes, it will owas be me. I m a loner, I m lonely. Qiqi hab Jamie, both of dem nort close tuh me already. Its lyk heaven n earth, so far apart. I need care n concern. I m lack of social. I m once again a loner. Owas so lonely. Things can onli be kept between my self n my blog. My blog noes everything, yea blog? I cant force a smile. I nvr change, I tot I will. The way I dress myself wit uniform, its so old fashion. I m too fat. But wad can I do tuh slim down? Y mus I owas get troubled by this prob? I rather be the past me tt dun even bother tuh look myself at the mirror. Hav I change? I think so. I m owas living in a complicated world, owas moving around wit complicate things around me. Making complicated fwens wit complicated humans. Sigh. When will I settle down in an innocent world, tt will owas move around wit innocent things around. Making innocent fwens wit innocent humans? Hais. I still hab a fwen, denise. Can I tell her everything? No. she has her own fwens around. I noe we cant be lyk the past, when we were tt close. Thing change n cant go back tuh the past. Already so glad tuh hab reconciled wit her, pls gurl, dun ask fer more. She has her own fwen, living her own lyfe in her own world. My onli wish ish tt she will look fer me wheneva she nits my help, will be too glad tuh help. At least I m worth a fwen. Teach me. I m tired. Sigh. I sit alone in klas. Think alone in klas. Talk tuh myself. Think of my own, no others giving me advice. Wad m I? tell me, I wld wanna noe. Teach me, I wld be glad tuh learn. God, pls take away the pain frm me. Take me away frm this complicated world I m living. Gib me a truthful fwen. Bless ppl around I noe. M I too greedy tuh ask fer all this? Gib me hope. Gib me strength & gib me determination. Thanks lotsa. =)

saw shiela oso. I tot we will be beta fwens when we r separated in sec sch. But sadly no, we were worse den eva. Even though we wave tuh eac other. She ish no longer excited tuh c mi. even though last yr same klas, but when eva she sees me she will jump, play wit me. Now, no. =( teach me God, wad shld I do.

Monday, January 02, 2006Y

2dae ish the last dae of holidae, 2ml will be going tuh sch. Woke up nort very early 2dae. Went fajar tuh hab breakfast wit my family. Saw jia jia dere, wit her family. Almost broke into tears. She dun call me when I past her. We were lyk sitting close tuh each others table but were lyk so far apart, how tuh say? Hais. Wanted tuh walk ova n say hi, did nort hab the courage. Thinking tt once denise was also lyk tt, will jia jia change next tyme? If the ans ish yes, I wun care fer her now. But the ans ish, I dunnoe. Y? I dunnoe. Will she change? Shld I gib up? Even her cousin oso gib up le. Shld I treat jia jia s dead lyk her cousin did so? But tuh me, its nort fair tuh her. Its oso rite fer her tuh gain sum lyfe experience. M I selfish tuh do so? I dunnoe. I wish tuh noe. Denise ish a turning back example, will jia jia be the same? God, wld u gib me sum clue? Sigh. . . she ish really, completely different.

2dae went tuh cut hair afta breakfast. Nth diff, still the same. BUT my fringe ish UGLY! Omg! Hais. Too short, too toot. Oh my, I m already toot. Sigh. . . hope it will grow back quickly. =(

YWELCOME