Sunday, April 24, 2005Y

2dae i went for netball league. it was awesome! 1st we hab had malaysia compete wit singapore, e malaysians was strong!i cant beliv that! we watched wit joy when scores came 1 by 1. 2dae i was not in e mood to watch e second part of the matchbecox i learnt something, becox i found out e truth, becox i hate myself for finding out e truth, becox i hate myself for being honest n easily bullied. i hav been solving a puzzle, a difficult 1 becox i m e small puzzle that cant see the whole picture,2dae i went out of my position n fix e correct piece in, i found out e cruel truth, e cruel fact.i treated yiwen n tracy s my sista, pure sista. now den i noe tt tracy was not e 1 tt dun make fwenx, it's tt she dun like me. now den i noe tt y wen yiwen care for me, tracy appeared in tis picture. yiwen seems fine wit me, a caring n luvin senior. but it did not turned out tis way.yiwen used me s her guinea pig, her tools/instruments for chemistry. she do experiment wit me. she wan to test whether i m a les. she gav me care but behind e caring was e evil act. tracy did not wan to b my sista but she accepted it hard heartenly. i reali treated dem s godsista n my bex senior but in e end, dey treated me s a dog? s a guinea pig? s a tool? y mux dey b so cruel? y mux i b e one? i understand now wad denise n julia meant when dey last spoke to me, dey said tt e netballerx dink tt i m a les n no one lyk me, now i finally undertsand, it was not my team mates but it was my own bex seniors, it was e person dey i trusted most. y mux dey do this? i cried painfully 2dae in e toiletwit one of my senior accompanying me.y cant i hate dem? forgiv n forget? can i do that now? can i reali forgiv dem n forget tis matter? can i?y? i tot dey understand, i tot wad advices dey gav me is from their heart. e laughter tt i hab in msn wit tracy, e seriousness i hab wit yiwen, it turned out to b an opposite way.it was yiwen e one hu told me not to quit netball, it was yiwen e one hu ppersuaded me back, it was yiwen e one hu gav me advices, it was yiwen e one hu helped me settle everything. it was tracy e one hu brought laughters, it was tracy e one hu brought jokes tt bring joys,it was tracy e one hu wanted to help me, but everything changed when tracy came back from overseas. i owas wanted to quit netball, to leave, i learnt to luv netball becox of yiwen, yiwen advices was e onli reason tt i stayed in netball till now. but now? everything went back to e starting point.it was tracy e one hu pull up my confidence, it was tracy e one hose laughter i bear in mind, it was tracy e one hu cheer me up when i m down becox of netball, but now? y mux i stay in netball when e onli last reason i hab is gone? y mux i stay netball when e onli reason to laugh is gone? when e onli hope i got is gone?i cant face tis cruel fact, it is too much for me to bear, i dun wan to see dem now becox i dun wan to feel hurt n i dun wan to hate dem. tell me wad is e ending, how much mux i bear in netball when all netballerx start blaming me for anything becox of any small mistake. i dun wan tis. dear God, pls tell me.

YWELCOME