Saturday, October 29, 2005Y

Hi bloggy, now ish 12.23 Am in the morning. I cldnt get tuh slp so now wanna speak tuh u lorx. I m getting all confused in here, seriously. I cant seem tuh let go of ADJ. I noe when I lub dem, I mus learn tuh let go. I dunnoe whether I treated Jamie, wis, sam, jojo n qiqi dey all s fwen nort. Now hao bu rong yi reconcile wit denise, I feel great distances between us. We no longer trust each other much. wheneva she saw me o wit me, she will toke bout gan die. Ish gan die our onli source of chatting? I hab been pressurized, stressful. 2dae I gort e Good Progress Award dingy, denise smiled at me when I walked pass her. I read through our ADJ letters jus now, nort long ago, I cant put dem down. 2 yrs liao lehx!! Teach me how!! I noe I shld treasure denise now. I wanna make fwen wit Julia again n try make denise n Julia reconcile. How? I dunnoe. I noe I still lub dem? I noe tis ish my experience of lub fer fwens around me. I noe tis means tt dey r my bes eva sista tt I eva had. But I dunnoe how. How?

Den now another prob. I noe I had been losing faith 2wards Jesus. How? I dunnoe. I dun feel lyk reading bible, nort totally but dun feel lyk. I jus wanna listen tuh serene mummy toke bout tt, den I will understand it beta. Now I can react truthfully in front of serene mummy le, phew. I learned things bout qiu dao. Wheneva mentioned tis, I will feel uneasy, uncertain, unsecured, afraid. Dunnoe y. whenever I dink of Jesus, I feel secured, warmth n everything trusts worthy. I dunnoe how tuh be a leader. Even though sum ppl treated me so? I where gort value tuh be 1. qiqi pls tell me. U said I wasnt confident enuf, but I jus dunn wanna too much confident, how? Teach me Lord!

I dunnoe whether me n qiqi will still remain bes of fwen. Tt dae I decided tuh be fwen wit her ish becos I jus wanna leave e complicated world I m livin in den. Den out of no where, she treated me s her good fwen lyk last time, den we began tuh toke lyk tt lorx. E Tan said tt every stage u go, u will mit new fwen, make new fwens. Me? I rather had ADJ. I dunn wanna fwenship prob, its irritating honestly.

I dunn wanna hab lotsa fwens, even though trust serene mummy lotsa but she cant be my bes of fwen throughout, I still hav tuh learn how tuh walk n stand up on my own. I trust serene mummy cos she ish lyk my mother, e bond dunnoe how tuh say. I wanna concentrate on my studies.

E grades I achieved sucks! Wad tt mean ish tt even though tuh others, its good but tuh me? Haix. dey wun understand. Ppl hu achieved beta score den e rest n stand tuh be e most outstanding among dem will act s if dey r proud. I cant say directly in front of dem, my grades sucks! Rite? Dey will dink, wahlau u beta den me still say lyk tt wad u expect? Haix. Lord!! Help!!

I learned nort tuh hate jojo le, but I still haven get tuh over come e dislyks between Jamie n i. I dunn wanna hate or dislyk her cos she made good fwen. I neglected sam when I was wit Jamie. Even though I dunn really lyk dem lyk I lyk denise n Julia but at least I treated dem s fwens. Haix. Lord, teach me wad tuh do!!!

When love ish a decision, comes hate as a decision too.

Serene mummy made good leader n follower. She ish simple simple type de. Me? I had high expectations out of myself. I hate being a loser even though I had tuh be 1 den I can be a winner. Sucky though. So much fan nao!! How?! I dunn wanna zi zuo. Nort good fer health. Wt asked me out tuh her bdae party, even though its abit late but at least she asked. I wanna go but wad bout my mp3? Haix. I wanna go mit ming too. Dunnoe wad type person she ish. I hate tuh be treated s xiao mei mei.

Lord, pls help me solve all these probs, I hate it! Haix. y mus I dink too much de. Haix. pls make my life once again colourful. Pls make me more giving in tuh others. Pls make me stand up wit firm decision. Pls make serene mummy understands me. Pls make my fwenship prob beta. Pls make me less emotional. Pls make all gangs fwen nort ask me out even though its selfish. Pls make wt n ming nort les. Les ish a sin I noe. Pls make tis world peace. Cos u r e onli fwen I trust in most probably. Thanks God fer keeping me alive. Make my life colourful. I dunn wanna FAN NAO!!!

YWELCOME