Saturday, November 19, 2005Y

2dae woke up quite early. Went tuh mit Sam, jamie, xueting n jingting dey all. Walked tuh ks de hse. Tired n sticky when I reach dere, but hu cares. 2dae did nort attend e church wedding tt serene told me tuh. When we reach ks de hse. Sum times feel so extra. Cos dey all 1 grp de mahs. We played e DVD player, feel so sians. Den 1 by 1 e boys came. Afta tt ks serve drinks, we went tuh his room n played com. He dun hab ms, so we surf e net. We added Alvin in msn hahas. Den afta a while, ks de mum went home le. She cooked some food fer us. Nort some, but lotsa. Ate til we so full hahas. Trying tuh hack his acc.hahas.
we sang songs den Sam, Jamie n xueting recorded e songs into ks de hp tuh hear how dey sing, hahas. We played ps2 den we decide tuh go plaza le. S we went down e lift, Jamie mentioned tt she found a job le. Was surprised cos dey did nort asked me whether I wanna a job. Dey did nort ask me find job together? Wad m i? I m nort their close fwen maybe. Dey found acting dingy. I tot we were fwens, supposed tuh find job together. Was very sad, wanted tuh cry. But held back my tears. They sae if acting was nort successful, maybe dey changing tuh model. Yupp I noe, I m too fat, too ugly. Nort qualified tuh even be actress, be model. Dream on! Den dey sae, maybe I can find flyers job, do together wit jingting. I noe jingting n I ish from taf club. So wad? Tts mean dey can kick us aside? Its lyk pushing us aside.
I jus hate myself being so fat, so ugly. No matter wad, nth I do in my whole life ish successful. I m going crazy. Sum times I did things jus a bit beta den dem, maybe dey dink I m too proud. I dunnoe lahs. I reali wanna give up my whole life bahs. I fuck, I sucks!! So wad? Hu cares. I dunn wanna yx dey all change me le. No use. Wads e point!??! Its already a FACT. How r u supposed tuh change FACT? I m damn down!!! Thank God fer keeping me alive even though I dunnoe y mus I live on earth. Do I deserve it?

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